Do I HAFTA Ask For Help?

Something dawned on me today.  God is working on a stronghold in my life that I didn’t realize was a problem.

I mean, come on.  Is self-sufficiency really all that bad?  So I’m a little independent!  I’ve always liked that about myself – strong, capable, proud Yankee.  If it’s out there, I can do it (unless it’s Math or tanning, but I’ve made my peace with that).

So I handled every detail of the wedding myself.  Yeah?  And?

So I feel like it’s not worth doing if I can’t be instantly good at it and show off.  Your point?

So I had a hard time (did I say “had”?  I mean “have”…) a hard time learning to be a team player in marriage.  No big stink, right?


God’s wisdom surpasses my stubborn will.  And for that I am very thankful. 

How is He doing this, you ask?  Through my children!  Only a wise and loving God would use my beautiful treasures, my exhasperating and exhausting and wonderful, incredible boys to teach me the tough lessons I refuse to learn.

I found myself envying women who don’t have to use any form of birth control.  Yes, they’re out there – ladies whose children naturally and almost methodically appear every 2-3 years.  At first I thought, we’re just extremely fertile.  Be that as it may, the woman with a more socially acceptable offspring spacing than mine is just as fertile as me.  She has kids.

But why are some women able to rely on God for the nice spacing and I can’t?

Because I have control issues. 

I was thinking, “Wow!  God just plans out their families for them.  Lucky.”  Ahem. 

Anyone else see the problem with my thinking?

God DID plan out our family for us.  This IS His spacing.  We ARE fertile, but my faith is not.  Two boys 15 months apart is God’s spacing for us.  If I have a problem with that, I ought to take it up with Him.

And really, I don’t.  I love that our boys will be close growing up.

What I’m realizing is that God is using this experience to force me to ask for help – His and others’.  I cannot be an island anymore, not to the doctor’s office, the fair, or some days even the backyard. 

I need help.

And it BURNS ME to have to ask for it.  I think God just smiled.  It dawned on me this week that unless I allow other people to assist me and admit that I’m not supermom, I’ll never go out anywhere or do anything.  Worse, much much worse – I won’t gain what God offers me through this experience.

And I don’t want to miss anything He gives.  After all, He’s the giver of good gifts.  I just look at my boys for proof!  They’re a blessing I don’t deserve and I can never thank Him enough for them.

Just hafta keep this verse in mind:

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”  2 Corinthians 12:9

This proud New England mama can bend the knee and ask for help.  God’s first, and others’ too.  According to God’s Word, if I’m going to be proud about anything, it ought to be that I’m a big lame-o who desperately needs His help!  🙂

Maybe then I’ll know His grace on a deeper level and feel His power firsthand.  What a story!  What an adventure!  What a calling.  Thank You, God, for working on me and not giving up your work in my heart.


21 thoughts on “Do I HAFTA Ask For Help?

  1. Is it ridiculous that I want to comment on everything you write? When I read your blog, I always have something to say and when I don’t comment, it’s usually because I am practicing restraint and giving you a break from me. Just so ya know…
    Anyway, I have two things to say:
    1) I can’t tan or do math either. At all.
    2) My kids are 17 months apart and Aly was a huge surprise… so I love the term you’ve used for that – “God’s spacing.” That’s exactly what happened with us as well. =) Actually after Landon was born, we were considering not having any more kids (it broke my heart) but because I was so high risk and he had so many problems we were thinking about it. Then out of no where God decided for us… he basically just said, “Um, no more kids? I hate to tell you this, but that is NOT your decision. Here, have a baby girl!” Now I tell people that God decided when our family was complete, not us.

    Thank you for sharing this with us. Sounds like this is huge for you – feel the burn baby! =P

    • It really is. Just to admit it. I ought to start Autonomous Anonymous 🙂 That’s exactly what happened to us, and i wouldn’t change it. I didn’t know yours were so close! THANKS for commenting. I always enjoy when you do. 🙂

  2. …in addition to all this, its a possibility you’re not allowing the women near you to be a blessing to your family, to serve in areas they are called to. We are a phone call away! Humility is a good thing. That’s a lesson many of us are learning with you.

  3. I really appreciated this post because I identify with it completely! Fitz and Carys are a year apart and it took me a painfully long time to be able to ask for help. It was a huge growing experience for me (both as a mom, a wife and a child of God). It still is. Now that they are a little bit older It brings me great joy to see them play and learn together. Their closeness is a gift and I am so excited to see how God will use it!

    And it’s nice to have two capable helpers now that we have Baby #3! 🙂

      • Fitz is 4 1/2, Carys is 3 1/2, and Ailyn is almost 8 months. I’m sorry it didn’t work out to see you this summer. Maybe we can try again next year. Kristin is back from Thailand and it would be awesome if we could all get together. She had her first child (Juliette) just hours after Ailyn was born (crazy, huh?)

      • That’s AWESOME! Both the spacing of your kids and the closeness in age to Kristin’s. And I really really hope we can get together!!!! I miss you both.

  4. You and me need to find a day to go find your “perfect” jeans… 🙂 you didn’t get the chance in Wrentham. 🙂 I have control issues too and I don’t even have kids! Love you, sis! 🙂

  5. Nancy Reagan said it well: “It takes a village to raise a child.” God intended it to be that way. Thanks for sharing your heart Heidi.

  6. “Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God.” 2 Cor. 3:5 Ahhh, What Grace! God loves us so much He is not willing to leave us as we are. He takes our broken souls and fills them up with Himself! Lay your burdens at His feet, sweet sister in Christ! It may be that God will grant you the break your heart desires. Or… not. 🙂 I asked the Lord for a break after Tirzah… I was nodding my head in the direction of His sovereign will, and yet begging for some respite. Her labor and delivery was hard, and I thought a few years ‘off’ childbearing would do me good. Shortly after I discovered we were expecting again (number FOUR!), I was… well… I was whining to be frank, whining at the Lord. I’m getting OLD! My body will FAIL me! I’m SCARED! And God quietly convicted me with these questions: “Would you not do ANYthing for one of your children? Do you not love ALL of your children? Is your attitude toward the gift I have given you correct?” And just like that I realized: I was not viewing the children He had not yet sent as EXISTENT. But God knows their names. I realized my heart was wrong. I repented right there and purposed that making myself available as the Lord’s servant meant that my heart must also be changed. Send ’em all, Lord! Whatever order, however often, boys or girls, twins or singlets, For my good and sanctification, for His purposes and His glory, I must submit my will to His and bring my heart into His hands. I must consider His Word and allow my mind to be renewed with an understanding that my children ARE a BLESSING! May the Lord increase our faith! And be reminded that He never sends anything that is too hard for us….

      • Tirzah means: Delightful. And she is! She is our little bundle of delight, every day she brings us laughs and smiles. Her middle name, Grace, is also true of her. She has been an example of God’s grace in our lives. He sent us an ‘easy’ baby, just when we needed one. 🙂

  7. Wowsers, Heidi… I think a lot of people can relate to this one! I really prefer not to ask for help either. But with the lifestyle we’ve had, moving every few years, I’ve found myself having to ask for help all the time from people I feel like I don’t know enough “to be imposing on.” But there you have it. You can’t take kids with you to get an ultrasound or a mammogram or to surgery or all those sorts of places I’ve had no choice about going to in the last few years. In fact, the thing I hate the most about appointments is the “oh no, I’m going to have to ask someone for help again!” thing. Now, on the other side… it sounds like there are a lot of people who would like to help you. And I’m guessing they’d help you in a heart beat… and they will feel better about asking *you* for help if you have asked them for help! I would totally help you. In fact, I’ve felt frustrated because I’ve had to ask for so many babysitting favors in the past year but many of these lovely mamas are also painfully self-sufficient and don’t ask me for help when I would really really like to return the favor, and I’d be thrilled to babysit just so they could go to the store by themselves and get the groceries in peace for once. So, ask!

  8. Pingback: Thank YOU | The Full Vine

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