How Not To Cook Beans

I’ve been sick this week and haven’t had time to put together a great recipe post.  So I have this little nugget I’ve been holding on to for just such a time as this:

How NOT To Make Beans.

This is one of the more visually delightful kitchen tragedies in my recent history.

1. Pour lots of water over the beans you intend to soak.

2. Dump in a ton (as opposed to a reasonable teaspoon or two) of baking soda, to release some of the gasses from the beans.  Do this to excess, please, or this disaster won’t smell right.

3. Turn the heat up very high.  Whoops.

4. Forget the beans exist and go on with life.  Whoops again.

ISN’T

THIS

APPETIZING?

Learn from my mistakes, people.

Keep an eye on the stove or it will look like this:

Happy cooking.  Embrace the accidents.  🙂

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6 thoughts on “How Not To Cook Beans

  1. Thank you for being open and honest! I needed this smile this morning!! Just yesterday, I forgot I had thrown an unwashed pot in the oven to keep it out of sight until I could get to it. Out of sight, out of mind. It took me a long time to figure out what the burning smell was when I preheated the oven later on and still had the pot in there! Now I had a burnt on mess to clean 🙂

  2. When we lived in grad village our roommate forgot about a pot of beans on the stove. Marc and I woke up smelling smoke late at night- I don’t know why the smoke alarms weren’t going off- kind of scary. The apartment was filled with burned bean smoke and it smelled like burned beans for weeks. Our clothes smelled like burned beans for weeks. Ugh. Also, one of my main problems with making homemade yogurt is putting the milk on the stove to scald and forgetting about it. And I’m sure you know how nice milk that has boiled over onto the whole stove is to clean up. The worst is when I ruin a whole half gallon of organic milk doing it! I want one of those electronic thermometers that been when the desired temperature is reached.

    • Huh. I didn’t even know they made thermometers like that. Cool! I think I want one too! For some reason, every time I make yogurt, boil-over or not, it sticks like glue to the bottom of the pot (a heavy, enamel cast-iron one) and I have to scrub my elbows off to remove it. Any advice on how NOT to have that happen?

      Bummer about the bean smoke. And ew. 🙂

  3. Oh, Heidi, you had me in stitches. Don’t worry. Every woman’s kitchen has had it’s share of “accidents to embrace”. : )

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