Murphy vs Mommy

What’s Murphy’s Law… if anything can go wrong, it will?

I get a good laugh over how this principle affects my home.  Here’s just a few:

Murphy’s Maddening Laws of Home Life

  • No matter how many times you change a toddler’s diaper before leaving the house, they WILL poop explosively the minute you head for the door.  And you’ll have actually been on time when it happens.
  • When your house is a pig sty, clean and dirty laundry mingling at laundry dance parties on your living room floor, dust bunnies doing the limbo in the corner, every friend and relative will stop by spontaneously.  When the house is spotless, you’re sure to be alone. 
  • The woman of the house may try to be demure all day, setting a good example for her children and keeping her…uh… emissions bottled up inside.  But the second she lets out a good, satisfying fluff, her husband WILL walk through the door, home early from work, reaching out for a nice intimate squeeze.
  • The clock will move faster on Sunday mornings. 
  • The clock will move slower on rainy Tuesdays, right around 11:15a.m., when it’s too early for lunch and naptime, but bed and snack have worn off.
  • Have no doubt – the messiest toilet visit of the week will occur when there’s no t.p. left.
  • Your infant, who hardly EVER poops, will choose to do so…loudly…as soon as the pastor visiting your home opens in prayer.  “Father in heavaaaAAAAAhhhn!  What in the world was that?!”
  • (Why do so many of these have to do with bodily functions?) When you have to pee the worst, your drawstring pants will have a knot, your nails will be freshly cut, and you will have a big, awkward bandage on your index finger.  This happened.
  • Just like washing the car, when you’ve labored on your hands and knees to produce a shining dining room floor, someone in the family will drop a plateful of pasta or a bowl of sticky peanut butter oatmeal all over it.  And you will walk through it in your socks.

And last but not least in “oh WHY?!” quality:

  • You will not discover that you have mice living in your kitchen drawers, shredding your towels and defecating on your silverware, when you are alone.  This filthy revelation will take place when your mother-in-law is standing right there, watching the carnage.  (She was very nice about it, to her credit.  But I’m still squirming.)

Lest these laws should reduce us to tears in everyday life, God has equipped women with the special ability to be Loving Lawmakers.  Here’s how it works:

Mommy’s Marvelous Mayhem Laws

  • The same day your toddler bounces up and down on your last nerve from dawn til dusk will be the day he suddenly learns to say “I Love You” and practices it with wild abandon on you and your husband.
  • Shrieking and generally annoying noise-making become sweet sounds of happiness when Mommy realizes they’re emanating from her Little Treasures, who are just happy to be alive.
  • Cloth diapering will teach Mommy mind-over-matter and sense-over-stench.
  • Even though the week that Mommy and Daddy discover a staggering lull in income will be the very week both cars decide to give up the ghost, God will always provide, and the happy couple will learn economy and thankfulness along the way.
  • A pot of steaming vegetable chowder in lean times will bring more joy to the family than weekly take-out in times of abundance.
  • Almost any problem will be magically solved with a long, sincere hug. 

What laws are in effect around YOUR house?

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6 thoughts on “Murphy vs Mommy

  1. OH! Gasp!, Heidi, I neeeeeeded that laugh! Recently my mother came to visit. (from FAR, FAR Rhode Island!) She was helping me with dinner and we were chatting away when she fell silent. I sized up the silence in five seconds and said: “I see you’ve discovered the ants in my pantry!” We had a good long laugh about it. I HAD put traps out…. Now that we have a boy, I am anticipating different sorts of antics around our house! For the record, I have also had mice decimate my drawers full of nice, new potholders and dish towels… more times than I care to remember. I have reformed: SILICONE. It isn’t very homey, but the mice don’t try to make nests out it either. 🙂

    • Ah, good idea! …I read a pun in your comment – did you mean to put it in? “ant-ics”… Get it? ha ha ha… I’ll add pantry moths to the mice and ant infestations. That’s a lovely one. Ever had them? They start INSIDE one of your pantry staples like wheat germ, and migrate across your kitchen ceiling as worms. Then they either drop spontaneously onto the counter where you’re working, or they become moths and flit off into your home to wreak more havoc. Ah boy. I think heaven will not have pests.

  2. What a way to start the week. I’ve laughed until the tears came. Brought back a lot of
    memories. My kids always waited to defecate on Sunday morning on the way to church.
    The nursery workers didn’t like to see me coming.

  3. Lol! Now it’s turned into “Mama, I had a pee-pee accident” at the most inconvenient times. Like you’ve just arrived at the playground and older child is leaping enthusiastically toward the gate with visions of swings dancing in his head and younger child has just climbed out of the car and is standing in a puddle. And you didn’t remember to put another spare pair of pants in the glove compartment after you used them in the last pee-pee accident. OR the accident happened in some unknown locale at the birthday party at the big bounce center (oh that lucky cleaning staff) and no one has spare pants so you have to leave the party and rush over to Old Navy (fortunately nearby) and try to lickety-split find a pair of pants hopefully on the sale rack and then you run up front and yikes! the line is 10 people long AND you get up there and find out the pants were *mistakenly* put on the sale rack by some other shopper and actually they are $15… oh, we could go ON! But yes, God is good and he always provides a laugh along the way!

    • Oh man…. I’m glad you can laugh about it! I like the part about the “unknown locale.” And kids wonder why we teach them not to put random objects in their mouths…

      You’re a good Mommy.

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